| fill the places i can't reach |
[21 Sep 2009|12:44am] |
title adapted from Be Somebody by Kings of Leon
i just feel so envious looking at the entries of good food and photography, and plenty of time to spare to do all that.
whereas here i am, slogging my sorry ass out.
working daily split shifts, cuts/burns=scars, no "me" time, insufficient family/friends time.
yea here i go wallowing in self pity again.
its more of angsty fustration building up. no point crying, because what freaking good would that ever do?
besides, a let out of crazy emotions.
i try to be optimistic and sometimes it works. but then, at times it kinda backfires and i find myself thinking - "right, thats so self-denial"
i AM happy not to be a penpusher/chairjockey.
ktichen life can makes me happy, it does. adrenaline from serious loads of mise en place to do and incoming orders can give me a high that i, yea i enjoy.
well, pros and cons.
but this past year ive been asking myself
-should i be doing something more than this? at my age?-
sometimes i feel i cant live up to expectations, i get so tired and just dont bother anymore.
but i know it hurts your loved ones feelings.
because you dont mean to be this way, but their comments just seem to bite you bad.
and its at times like these when you just really feel hopeless and wonder why is this getting to you so deep?
i am turning 21 next month.
i am not the regular kid who schools and parties like others.
i work approx 12 hours in the kitchen, spend my days at the restaurant,
spend plus/minus 24 hours with my parents in a week.
and there is an article i read, an interview with a chef.
What advice would you give to a young chef?
(the answer goes smthg like)
Sacrifice is key. the f&b industry is all about sacrifice, though you may not see the rewards now.
you will see it in the future.
and thats what i keep in mind to help me get by, a peek of optimism and perserverance.
hopefully, i am strong enough to see myself through this industry.
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| the day when you said I'm Yours |
[09 Aug 2009|11:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
its been six months five days.
how time flies.
but somehow it still feels like i'm falling in love with you over and over.
how do you work that magic.
you could say we've been through some nasty bits.
and in the midst of some.
i dont like compromising but if it works to make things happy, i dont mind.
cuz i dont like to see that troubled face.
and i dont want to feel confusion in my heart.
you keep your feelings inside and it builds up, and i dont understand why you are acting this way.
the little mistakes seem big and it pains me even more when i know you're unhappy.
i feel like crap.
i cant believe i could lose sleep just because you went for a drink.
although i wasnt happy about it, when you seemed "there's no wrong in that"
i tried my best to put a smile, but you made me lose faith when i couldnt get to you.
i dont know if im too demanding.
i dont know if im too sensitive.
we spend less than 24 hours in a week together.
im missing you every splitting second when we're apart.
i fear the B word. we both dont want that to happen.
you know how much you mean to me.
you know i dont want to lose you.
sometimes i dont understand why when i think about this, my heart breaks and tears well up.
but one thing i understand,
one thing that will always remain -
baby, I'm Yours too.
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| no mood ): |
[13 Jun 2009|01:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
angsty |
] |
one side -
god give me strength.
give me perseverance, determination, wisdom, patience.
other side -
fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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